IT'S BRITNEY BITCH

     There are some mornings you wake up and know that it's a good day to shave your head. And well last Sunday was that day for me. So far I've been told that I look like a cancer patient, that I'm the only one who could make a shaved head look gay, and that somehow with a shaved head I'm more gingery. So great...I KNEW this was a good idea. I even tried to play the part of the whole shaved head persona by running to the gym in a tank top looking "tough" only to blow any chance I had by flipping over the locked turnstile. But luckily hair comes
                                               back...unlike Heather Gaines' dog Dice...TMTS??!?!

     But besides pube head, life goes on. Not sure if I mentioned it, but this is the popular toothpaste here. So if I'm not being called Yankee Doodle, I'm called Colgate. I'm a winner wherever I go. I find it appropriate that it's Macleans' Ultimate White too. "For a whiteness you can see." Trust me...take one look at Maclean and you see plenty of whiteness.  So I guess now it's safe to say that most everyone in Melbourne has had some Maclean in their mouth...

     But at least the Asians think I'm cool. No really. I was out to dinner with a mate and approached by two Koreans who had found out my nationality. They were ecstatic. They asked me to tell them hip greetings we use in America. After a "what's up bro" and a fist pound, they were wide eyed and amazed at how awesome I was. If only it was like that for me in America. Heather I completely understand why you went to Singapore now...

  
     But apparently everyone wants some Maclean. Dancing at a girls' club Sunday night I was approached by a lesbian couple who propositioned me for my sperm. I kid you not they were drawn to me by my "dancing". I told them that reason alone was means that they were on crack laced with meth. To save them from a lifetime of disappointment I denied them their wish.
  
    But I think they used their lesbian voodoo on me because as a punishment I awoke the next morning with slut stamped on my wrist, and then was stuck in a stalled car in the middle of the city with a menstruating lesbian who tried to beat me up. Yay flannel! And of course the car I was in needed two loads before it started up again...typical.

     So in the state of Victoria there is hardly any tv censoring. On the 4 channels we get they can use the f bomb and talk about all aspects of sex. I find this fantastic except for the commercials where they use scare tactics to get people to be safer. These ads always start off pleasant, and then before you know it there is a baby being rocketed out the windshield and smearing on the asphalt. I had

nightmares about one where a woman was grabbing a book from the top shelf only to slip and split her head in half on the corner of the desk behind her. It's just what I want during commercial breaks for Monster's Inc. to see some guy holding the remains of his eyeballs after a bike accident. And don't even get me started about the police ads where the slogan is "WE'LL GET YOU".

     And to the left I now no longer see as cute, but as a delicious meal for lunch. I had my first kangaroo burger on Monday. The little ones are especially tasty. Much like Tiffany Chang's hair these animals are hazardous to the environment, and we are encouraged to eat them...the roos...not T-Chang's hair.

     But alas I'm back on my job search. Working 6 days every two weeks just isn't cutting it. So God speed to me on that one. And God speed to me on the fact that I just figured out that even if you have your ipod on really loud doesn't mean others around you can't hear it when you pass gas. That explains so many past awkward situations... and speaking of awkward... did I go grocery shopping sporting both of these dos?...maybe...maybe... are Molly's boobs real....maybe...maybe...